If you get a chance this week, will you pray for me? I’m having doubts about the theory of evolution.

Now I want to be clear, I still believe. I still have faith. But it’s that just some things have come up recently and are making me ask deep questions about whether or not evolution exists.

Maybe a better way to put it is like this: I’m not losing my faith in evolution, I’m more going through deconstruction of evolution. There’s stuff in there that I cherish and want to hold onto. I’d say elements of it I’ll even pass on to my kids because I think it will help them be better people.

I think one of the great things about evolution is that it gives people a sense of community. I know, especially in these isolated times, that a lot of people need that. When evolution is done right it can also do some positive things in the community like removing extreme phenotypes. Healthy evolution also increases biodiversity (which we love to have our kids around), promotes ecosystem stability (love!) and drives biological innovation (something our country used to be the world leader in).

I’ll be honest, I think evolution is great, if you’re into that sort of thing, but it’s not for me at this point in my journey.

A lot of scientists talk about “natural” selection, but I’m in a place… a season of life, where I need to make that selection for myself now.

Maybe I’m just getting older and have seen too much. Some of these deep, troubling questions I just can’t reconcile. Like why do bad things happen to fit people? I heard a story recently about an olympic archer (I can’t recall which country) who was eaten by a panther while out in the woods. This was a man in tip top shape, could run a sub five minute mile. He was young and virile, just getting ready to inject and spread his superior genetics into the human gene pool. But he died. No children. I just can’t wrap my mind around this. How could it be allowed to happen?

I’ve also had some traumatic things occur in my life. Recently I went to Six Flags Over Texas in Arlington. I’m sure you’ve been hearing a lot on the news about what’s been going on there. Growing up being taught the theory of evolution I didn’t know places like that existed. The whole experience was overwhelming. Something within me broke. When I saw the long lines waiting for roller coaster rides, the seemingly endless tube tops, and corn dog combo meals for $19.99 plus tax, somewhere I said in my heart: evolution is a hoax.

I’m grappling with that currently. And now I tend to see it everywhere. Velociraptors: Extinct. My aunt’s asthmatic pug: just had triplets.

How do you explain that?

I do appreciate you keeping me in your thoughts and vibrations this week. I am struggling but also need space to process this on my own time and in my own way. Please respect my boundaries and don’t contact me about this matter. Have a great week.

Please pray for me