Star Wars was so unrealistic.

You’re telling me that advanced extraterrestrial civilizations possess the power to travel at light speed but they’re still loppin’ each other's heads off with lightsabers? Which are essentially the same crappy swords that have been around since people made the switch from cracking their enemies’ melons with a rock!

“Oh they are made of light!”

“Oh they make a humming sound! “

“Oh they’re really different than regular sabers! “

Stop it.

If humanity ever advances to that technological level there is zero chance that lightsabers will be in use. This is probably the biggest lie that Star Wars tries to peddle: that some kills can be more impromptu and business-like, done from a distance with a blaster or spaceship, but when you need to kill somebody really important it should be intimate and personal (i.e. done with a lightsaber).

Anybody can see that this is not the direction the world is heading. Why would you kill somebody with a lightsaber? It’s so socially awkward. You have to stand there swinging at them while they swing at you, getting uncomfortable, sweaty and worn out. Inflicting death on your enemy should be convenient, comfortable, and anonymous, not at all like this!

Like imagine you do end up killing your “Darth Vader” or whatever. Everybody is gonna know about it and they’ll start talking to their friends.

“Hey did you hear so and so killed what’s his name with a lightsaber? Yeah, I saw him do it cause he chose to kill….get this… IN PERSON INSTEAD OF REMOTELY!! Hahahaha, can you believe that!? Talk about old fashioned!!”

I know The Empire was bummed when the Death Star blew up cause Luke Skywalker tossed a missile down the heating and cooling duct that one time. It seems like they took a different direction after that, which is a shame. Even though the original Death Star was a failure, I want to encourage those guys, because they were really on to something. Blowing up an entire planet with a gigantic laser is great. They should have stuck with it. You can do the whole thing from your computer, there’s no follow up with the folks afterwards, and you’re basically killing two birds with one stone aka one densely inhabited alien planet with a laser.

Compare that with these lightsaber duels. Oh my gosh, the mess after it’s done and you gotta call the facilities people to come clean it up! All for ONE person’s demise.

It’s a real hassle.

The future of killing is not even killing other people, it’s just getting people to stop living. And The Empire was heading in the right direction with their choice of uniforms, the office decor, their insistence on no plants, animals, or lively music that didn’t involve french horn while on Empire property. You could see the seeds of a new era dawning, but they just couldn’t connect the dots. In the end, the appeal of trying to murder your estranged son with a red lightsaber was too tough to resist.

I’m not a lightsaber guy. It goes against everything we’ve worked so hard for over the past few centuries. Through studious research we’ve come to find that the key ingredients to killing are not a sword shaped laser and some body armor, rather they are distance and plausible deniability.

That’s why seemingly futuristic Star Wars is so incredibly unrealistic.

Star Wars was so unrealistic...