When we make a major decision in life, how do we decide which path to take? It might not be a simple fork in the road, rather there can be many potential paths and we need to be able to discern a good way forward.

This is the story of a decision involving vocation. Our family will move to Denver in two weeks, where Laurie will begin law school to become a human rights lawyer. We worked through this major decision in three stages: Hearing, Discerning, and Acting. I share details below as well as some resources if you are also in a season of discernment and decision.

HEARING

Prophetic words have fallen out of fashion. Perhaps it’s a bit too looney that a person could hear something specific from God. Or maybe churches with a charismatic leaning got weird to the point of burning all credibility. Maybe the concept is well outside our middle class Western norm and so “words” of the prophetic variety are to be viewed with a heavy dose of suspicion. They are strange curiosities from the pentecostal fringes of our culture! It’s also possible that you have no idea what a prophetic word is and that’s probably alright as well.

Another concept that has fallen out of fashion is listening to ourselves.

If we believe the Christian theological concept that God is within us, then that means God can also speak to us through…well…us. The things we enjoy, the inclinations we have, what we are drawn to or repelled by, these are all potential clues as to God’s intention for our lives.

The prophet Elijah faced a severe vocational crisis in the Old Testament Book of Kings. He finds himself on a lonely mountain, needing direction from God.

And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

Maybe we wait for a sign from heaven or a cosmic plan written in fire across the sky, but none comes. That’s ok. God is speaking to us every moment we are alive through both the spectacular and the mundane.

It was a mundane moment, over a year ago. My wife and I were enjoying a Monday afternoon (i.e. the pastor’s weekend) and a glass of wine. We both turned forty last year and we were having a “mid life” conversation. What did we think about the second half of life? What did we want to do over the next forty years of working? I made a seemingly innocuous comment.

“Laurie, have you ever thought about being a lawyer? You would be so good at that. Your experience, your passions, your talents, they all seem made for that kind of work.”

She told me a story I’d never heard in our sixteen years of marriage. After undergrad, she had in fact desired to be a lawyer. She started studying for the LSAT, but decided instead to pursue an opportunity in Minneapolis. From there, she moved to China, met me, and the rest is history.

We thought it was an interesting conversation, but didn’t think much of it. It was, as I said, mundane. Nothing particularly spectacular. But a week later she was at the house of a friend whom she’s known since high school. This person is a trusted voice in our lives and someone she respects a lot. They were chatting and out of the blue her friend brought up the same topic - have you ever thought about being a lawyer?

That’s two people in one week. Moreover it’s two trusted people, people who know her extremely well and have her best interests in mind. I hate to say this, dear reader, but it’s possible that God talks to us sometimes through our friends, spouses, partners, family members, children, and people we trust and are close to.

But sometimes (not always) it takes an extra dose of crazy weirdness to make a large shift in our lives.

Several weeks after our initial conversation we went to a conference in Ohio for the Vineyard Churches (the denomination we pastor in). They have prayer sessions where three people will pray for three people. The “praying” person will sit across from the “receiving” person and begin to pray for them, seeing if anything comes to mind. If something comes to “praying” person, they will share it with the receiver.

These are people who have never met before, praying and giving prophetic words. If you are a stranger to the charismatic church world, I can certainly respect any skepticism or discomfort you may have. Admittedly, it’s weird.

So this woman who was a total stranger, who had no knowledge of the previous two ordinary conversations, prayed for Laurie and immediately shared the following word:

”I see you as a lawyer. You will fight for those who have experienced injustice, you will be a voice to the voiceless. (She quotes) Isaiah chapter sixty one, “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, Because the Lord has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;”

And so it was three similar confirmations by three people in the span of several weeks.

We must ask ourselves “Am I hearing? Am I listening? Am I open?” God talks to us through the weirdness and the ordinariness. Through friends, nature, our thoughts, emotions and ourselves. Will you allow yourself to hear the still, small voice in whatever medium or method the message is coming to you?

DISCERNING

Of course the universe had our attention by this point. But now what to do?

In the process of discernment, you take what you think you might have heard and you test it out, step by step. Never get too far ahead of yourself and never assume what the outcome might be. The next part for Laurie was to take the LSAT practice test.

The practice test is not something you study for. You simply take the practice LSAT, to see your initial score and that gives you a baseline from which to study. Laurie took the practice test, having not studied, her results came back and they were high enough to get admitted to most law schools in the country. Ok.

And so we knew to go another step further. She spent the summer and early fall of 2024 studying to take the LSAT, which she did in October. The scores came back and were even higher. Ok.

And so we went a step further. She applied to law schools in Michigan and all over the country. She cast a wide net, not knowing what may or may not come through. In this period we practiced the Ignatian concept of “indifference”, which doesn’t mean apathy or not caring, rather it means you explore a decision with no attachment to a particular outcome. You are putting one foot in front of the other and not trying to control the result.

At the age of forty Laurie is certainly a non-conventional candidate for law school, so she sent out her applications with a fair bit of trepidation. Would anyone want a student like her? Was she too old? Too out of the box?

The answers soon came back in the form of multiple offers from schools all around the country. Very quickly we were inundated with offers from schools, with large scholarships and even being contacted by schools she hadn’t applied to. It seemed further confirmation that Laurie was on the right track.

But by the late winter/early spring of this year one thing was becoming clear, the doors in Michigan were closing. This was extremely surprising to us since there are three law schools within a forty five minute drive of our home. We originally assumed Laurie would go to law school and I would continue working at the church. We assumed there would be minimal disruption to our lives as they currently are.

Practicing the Ignatian concept of “indifference” means not being overly attached to any particular outcome, instead letting the decision unfold on its own. And this path was leading us away from our friends, family, and familiarity.

This is probably a good time for me to recommend a book: “The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything, A Spirituality for Real Life” (Amazon link). If you are making a large decision this book has some wonderfully helpful concepts.

The discernment stage of a decision making process involves saying a thousand tiny ‘yeses’ to every option on the table. We kick the tires on every possibility and do our due diligence. By casting a wide net we may be surprised or shocked by what becomes possible and what becomes no longer possible.

ACTING

Eventually those ‘thousand tiny yeses’ must become one big YES. We commit wholeheartedly to a single path and start walking forward. There are major thresholds in a large decision, points of no-return. Taking action can be the most difficult part of a decision because we are walking down the new path, trusting we’ve made a good choice with the data we had available.

For us, taking action was the most difficult part of this process. We told our friends and family we were leaving. We told the church. It was hard for them and hard for us.

At a certain point we knew we were leaving Michigan but didn’t know where we were going. The options had narrowed down to three schools: Pepperdine University, University of Denver, and Case Western Reserve University. All three had excellent programs, all three had given Laurie large scholarships.

This was the most excruciating part of the process for us. A choice between good and bad is often straightforward. Even if we have trouble choosing the “good” we often know it’s the right choice. But how to pick between ALL good options? We went back and forth for weeks. It was like watching those races at the ballpark between the Hotdog, the Donut, and the Cup of Coffee. Now Cleveland was the top choice, then California took the lead, only to fall behind yet again. Who would win out in the end!?

Ignatius provides guidance for making a choice when there are no “bad” options. He suggests methods such as:

Weighing the pros and cons in light of your deepest spiritual values, rather than mere practical advantages.

Imagining what advice you’d give to someone else in the same situation.

Considering what decision you’d wish you had made at the end of your life.

Praying and noticing which option brings greater peace, joy, and a sense of spiritual consolation rather than anxiety or confusion (signs of desolation).

For me a turning point came when I realized how I’d been approaching this major decision. Though I hadn’t intended to, it dawned on me that in this decision I’d be very subtly thinking of myself first, my wife second, and my kids third.

After this realization I shifted and began asking questions like “How will my kids experience this move?” and “If I were the kids, what options would I pick?” I also asked myself “What brings the most joy and consolation to Laurie?” and “What is the best overall choice for the four of us?”

Viewing it through this lens, it became obvious very quickly that the best option was Denver.

I think of all the people whose lives will be impacted by having Laurie represent them as a lawyer. She has chosen to take on the challenge of law school, so that in a few years she can use her talents, experience and passion for justice to make the world a better place. What an amazing calling she has.

Laurie has a full ride to University of Denver Law to study Human Rights Law. This helps ease the financial burden of going back to school. Of the three schools it is the only part time program (3.5 years instead of 3), which means we can remain flexibly available and present for our kids in this major move.

Laurie was born in Colorado and loves hiking in the mountains more than anything. When we visited in April she cried tears of joy upon seeing the Rockies. That was cool to see.

In committing to move to Denver, I’ve been shocked at how quickly and smoothly things have begun falling into place. I have only visited there twice. Once in April for three days and once in July for one day. Yet in that short amount of time we’ve found a school for Abner, a great place to live, made new friends and connections, and I am deep into the interview process at several companies in Denver.

It is so hard to leave Detroit, a place I deeply resonate with, filled with lots of people I love. But I have faith that this next chapter will also be beautiful for our family. I hope this description of the discernment process is helpful to you. Feel free to leave a comment below or email me with your thoughts.

Laurie the Lawyer

HEARING

DISCERNING

ACTING