You Have to Go

Photo by Anıl Karakaya

Fear is a funny thing. Everyone has it, and nearly all of us have it and equal measure. The only difference is how it finds its expression.

I have friends who would run to a war zone before settling into a suburb, who would rather dodge bullets than be faced with the prospect of going on an uneventful weekly trip to the grocery store. I totally get that. Boredom can be more frightening than danger and chaos can feel preferable to tranquility (not that the suburbs are tranquility).

But there’s all kinds of things to be afraid of. Some people are deathly afraid of public speaking, others, horrified by the idea of prolonged silence. Some of us fear obscurity above all else, while others cannot live with the terror of being known. 

Some fear commitment, others being abandoned. Some fear heights, some fear falling, others fear being buried alive. Still others it’s things like bees, dogs, clowns, conflict, sharks, social gatherings, and needles. The most fearless are often the most fearful, and cowardly lions can be made to roar simply by trying.

For me, I’ve always been afraid to GO. No matter what transition it was great or small I have a pattern of denying, avoiding, and procrastinating on GOing. 

When it came time to become a parent I binged watched all of Breaking Bad in a few weeks, when it came to getting married I broke up with Laurie several times waffling back and forth. I’ve been guilty of looking back when I should’ve looked forward. I’ve been in new positions and spent all my time thinking about past positions. And many, many times I’ve been like a fearful child sitting at the top of the slide refusing to go down. 

I’ll never forget the day I went to China. I cried in my parents' living room saying - I don’t want to go!!!

My mom’s gentle response - You Have to Go. 

Because the most surefire way to stop growing as a person is to avoid everything you fear, even if it’s something mundane. 

If You Want to Grow, You Have to Go. 

I feared moving to China and I feared moving back to the US and I feared moving to Detroit.

…and if Im really being honest I feared coming to Africa…

But when we stepped off the plane in Addis Ababa all that melted away. I sensed that God has us here for a reason - what that reason is? Maybe I’ll explore that in the next post. 

The first day has been a lot of fun and learning. It’s bringing me back to the early China days - exploring a new place like a total child. Here’s a few photos below. Looking forward to sharing more soon.