The Talk

Photo by Gezer Amorim from Pexels

Dear son,

I understand you’ve started doing stand-up comedy recently. Let me congratulate you on this new love you’ve found, it can be a wonderful life-giving act that brings such joy and fulfillment. I’m writing to encourage you, but also warn you about what to expect as you start down this path. I really wish my own father had given me this talk when I was your age, but their generation was very conservative, and comedy wasn’t talked about as openly back then. Therefore, I’m hoping to do things different with you.

Let me first say, as a young man you may feel the urge to do comedy every night of the week. In fact, you might be so enamored with comedy you’ll feel like doing it multiple times in one night. You’ll be doing it all the time, and when you’re not doing it, you’ll be thinking about doing it. Don’t feel weird about this, it’s just as natural as scratching your own head.

With tremendous energy you may run all over town, chasing down opportunities to do comedy and the warm feeling of general well-being it gives you afterwards. You’ll probably start out doing it for 5 minutes, but as your skill and stamina improve, you’ll be able to go for 10, 20, perhaps even 45 minutes!

When it’s done, you’ll step outside to have a cigarette and think about how good it was.

As you get older though, things start to change a little bit. No doubt, you’ll still think about comedy all the time, but it gets harder to get up night after night. Whereas before you needed it every day, now if you can schedule it in one or two times a week, you’ll be feeling pretty satisfied. Some nights there’ll be chances to do comedy and you’ll just be too tired. Though the thought of it is appealing, you’ll choose to go to bed early instead.

And when kids come along? Well, let’s just say you’ll have to really work hard to make comedy a priority. You may want to purchase a calendar now, to get in the habit of scheduling comedy ahead of time.  

You’ll someday discover how nuanced comedy really is. It’s not just about the applause breaks, you’ve got to enjoy the whole process of getting there – the evening out, the back and forth, the conversation afterwards.

Things are different when you’re younger, you’re always trying something novel, wanting to push the envelope. Sometimes it’s mind-blowingly awesome and other times it’s weird.

But as an older comic, you’ll have your comfortable bits, your old, well-worn material that you go to time and again. You know them like the back of your hand. There’s nothing risky or new about them, but you’re profoundly grateful to still be performing at all.

Sure, even your body changes as you get older. As a young guy, there’s zero issue having a few drinks before getting up. Maybe you’re nervous and need a few cocktails to relax. Drinking makes you more spontaneous, but what you don’t realize is that it makes you sloppy too.

Times will change. You’ll reach a point where you must choose – drinking alcohol or doing comedy. You can no longer have it both ways. Let me encourage you to pick comedy over drinks because you probably won’t be doing comedy as often, but you’ll go far deeper into what you’re doing when you do do it.

Finally, it may be very difficult for you to understand this now, but comedy is best done in the context of a committed relationship. Your first ten sets, your first twenty-five sets, your one hundred sets may be a wide range of experiences. But eventually, you’ll hit the point where you need to decide whether or not you want do it for the rest of your life. When you make that choice, commit to it my son. Commit for the rest of your life, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. That commitment will get you through the dry times. Times when you don’t even do comedy so much anymore and your mind starts to wander to other, more youthful, activities – podcasting and improv, or starting your own YouTube channel where you interview artisanal bakers who moonlight as tattoo artists. Don’t fall for these alternatives son - you’ll be too old to build a large following on Tik Tok, and you’ll look creepy trying. These may look like the answer at the time, the magic bullet that makes you feel alive again, but they are a mirage.

Besides, none of these can ever love you like comedy does.

So enjoy, my son.  Remember to always be grateful and if somebody asks you to do twenty minutes in the middle of a field in broad daylight in front of nine people just say no.

Much love,

Dad