It’s never too early to start thinking about retirement.

People have different ideas about what’s good, what’s not as good and so on. Some say that retirement means more time for golf or family, things that you haven’t had as much time to focus on. Others say that all you need is a good van with a decent sized bed in the back. That you can travel from place to place and see all the world and what’s in it. This van version of retirement involves taking pictures in front of large objects - a large donut, a large tire, a large face etched into the side of a cliff. These are the photos we’ve been missing when the nine to five got in the way.

Some say retirement frees you up to do what you’ve always wanted. You can step away from work and your family for a while to focus on what really matters - your drinking. You knew that alcohol was something that deserved more of your time and energy but things like kids, spouses and paid responsibilities kept dragging you away. Now you can be like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino, seven beers deep on the front porch, marveling at how the neighborhood has gone downhill when in reality it is you that’s declined.

Some say that the real retirement is heaven. That the faux respite we receive between the time we’re grinding out shifts at the local business park and shredding a solo on electric harp in the afterlife is nothing more than a purgatory. According to these folks, retirement is eternity’s waiting room - there are glossy AARP magazines and the comforting sounds of a fish tank filter in the background. You have already signed in with the front desk for your appointment with God, but he’s running a little behind today (as usual!) and would you take a seat and someone will be out with you shortly.

Now what? Should you look at your phone? Watch an old episode of Matlock that’s playing in the lobby? Thumb through the medical pamphlets in the rack by the door? What to do with the time?

People in suits have told me it’s never too early to start thinking about retirement. It seems like a good time to begin putting together a plan.

For me, my ideal retirement involves wearing oversized white t-shirts that are extremely crisp. I want shirts that have only been through the wash, maybe one, no more than 3-4 times. After that I’m pitching them and buying new ones.

I’m buying a bunch of those rubber bracelets that Lance Armstrong used to wear when he was cycling right after cancer treatment. Mine will be different though, not yellow, but rather an assortment of colors. I’m going to pair these bracelets and crisp white shirts with a killer pair of sunglasses and that’ll complete my outfit.

That’s my daily uniform for retirement - kind of a “AV guy for an open air megachurch in central Florida” sorta vibe.

I fully expect retirement to be humid yet breezy. A nice firm, salty wind hitting my darkened face. I expect a lot of those white drapes they attach to poles at resorts to be flapping in the breeze. And fish for breakfast, stuff like that.

When I retire, I want to be a part time DJ. I think I’d be really good at that. I could spend my days hobnobbing with Russian DJs like EEJN, and combining old acapella hymns from my Church of Christ childhood with classic Ja Rule hits from back in the day. The songs might not be any good, but they’ll be innovative (and people are always grateful for innovation).

I don’t have an encyclopedic knowledge of music, but I’ve been on Spotify a lot lately and I think I deserve my chance.

And I don’t know much about DJing. I don't know what those thumpy things are called or how to make the noise that sounds like the turntable is slowing down over the green neon skeleton of a Wheel of Fortune clicker. I don’t know what you say initially when you show up to work as a DJ. Is there standard workplace banter that you share with the bouncers, the bartenders, the professional dancers? What do they discuss around the Ibiza-version of the watercooler?

How was your weekend? (It is the weekend.) Crazy weather we’re having! (It’s 82 and sunny, just like every day)

But I do know some things you can yell out while DJing, mostly run of the mill canned phrases about increasing the energy of the moment, etc. I know that DJing involves a lot of hopping and arm waving. That’ll be great since my shoulders are always pretty tight and calves are the most important muscle for men over 65.

I think I can be like a grandfather figure to the recipients of my DJing. Lord knows, these kids need it. I plan to bless the next generation through my turntables. That’s my plan at the moment.

There’s a lot I don’t know, but honestly, there’s a ton of time to learn. Even though it’s a long way away, so far I’m off to a great start when it comes to planning for my retirement.

It's never too early