Handling Hard Better

Last month as March Madness was in full swing, a speech by a college coach went viral. It had a simple philosophy that struck a chord with much of the sports world. 

To motivate her team for the battles they would face ahead, the Duke women’s basketball coach Kara Lawson let them in on a secret about life.

“Things don’t get easier.. You just handle ‘hard’ better”. Rather than waiting for life to become less of a challenge, we must allow ourselves to become people who rise to the challenges we face. 

A simple insight, but a true one.

As I’ve gotten older, this is a lesson I’ve learned in my own way. Heartbreak doesn’t become less painful, work doesn’t become less stressful, and loneliness doesn't become less of a challenging experience. Rather, you just get better at handling these challenging moments. 

This is a truth that I see on the faces of people who are older and wiser than me quite often. 

I value seeking advice from people who have already been where I want to go. It’s fascinating to ask them about their first time doing something that felt nearly impossible, and see how effortlessly they handle adversity after having been through something several times. Things that seem trivial to me now used to seem like daunting tasks. 

The first time I was preparing to travel internationally, my father refused to let me travel out of JFK airport because he was convinced it was so much of a zoo that I would miss my flight. These days, JFK seems so much more organized than much of the world around me that I actually find the terminal relaxing. 

Early in my career in advertising, I used to be so nervous before presentations that I would shakily read the mountains of notes that I’d prepared before speaking with clients. A few years later, I’d become so comfortable that I rarely needed notes, and would often go off script. It took years and years of sweaty palms and near panic attacks for me to find that calm and steadiness. 

At times when I’m struggling with the present state of things because of anxiety, stress, or sadness, I remind myself of a concept that brings me peace – the idea that there is a future version of myself that exists; one that is wiser, more balanced and more intelligent that is going to look back at whatever “stressful” situation I’m experiencing. And, that future version of myself is going to be much better at handling whatever I’m going through right now. But, I just have to get through this moment and learn so that in the future, the present is more manageable. Future me can “handle hard better”.